she makes an extension with whom I find unrivalled satisfaction
If only Her allegiance could be forever sworn to me, my gratitude would endure
Please stay away and away truly! I don’t wanna even stare you in the face and this isn’t because you frighten me, hell no! Your attempts to ruin my blissful introspection sickens my very within, makes me want to erase you completely; like empty the recycle bin!
Now don’t you dare me because unlike you present, I grew wings, new eagle-feathers and I love that I look fly in my l leather and pleather mix. It’s been sort of a transfiguration for me amidst so many tribulations that I clearly find you blameworthy.
However if you so desperately desire my swell attention, if you do need me to give you a grin, you remember that grin? I would ask nicely that you undo yourself, maybe turn back the years and don’t forget to reverse the pain, the anguish, make sure they become mirthful for me. Tell me, did you think I wasn’t gonna defeat you when you tied him to some cyclic agony, sleeplessness amongst countless pills that left him blistered and scraggly emanciated; such brutality, atrocity and fiendish gesture to an old godly saintly man?
Okay it’s fine that now you need my company, you need to be in my reverie or night fantasies, but if I was to give attention, i mean like some space in my reveting cogitation, maybe grant you some mental asylum, what’s the guarantee you haven’t got some sinister scheme up your ever dirty sleeve, a sly machination or a plot to keep in some schizoid spiral bind; so slaved and gravely spunked?
well let’s get it straightened out here and now, I may have some regard for you because I did learn how not to be dejected, rejected and infected; Lessons I’d live to savour so admirably that would maybe become some dogma for posterity, Because all that counts now is the sincerity of my decision to live wisely, in integrity and enviable sanctity.
More importantly this is not just some cynical or vengeful push back but exactly how I feel about you being no good at all to me or anyone who got caught in your web, your wiles and subtle invasion. For the record 2000, I got baptised!I got saved! I did, even before there was any reason to worry about you altogether, I lost you to the crucifixion, and it’s no fiction, it’s real!
I live in this reality daily; a place of complete and absolute renewal, no withdrawals, no betrayal, just victories, endless conquests over hate, hurt, sickness, pain, shame and death! I ain’t afraid of you because this is the best part of my story, it’s vivid as diamond crystals not livid or some old-wife fable that ends up morbid.
Well this the much I get to say today, my ink’s dried up and I do need me some respite because at the end of the day, it’s beginning to seem like I have actually spared you some undue attention.
I have learned to be inspired amidst daring odds that daily present■I have learned that friendship is deliberate and forgiveness is compulsory for love to thrive■I have learned vision and wisdom make people legend■I have learned that peace prevails where love persists■I have learned that harmonies do not only colour melodies but they make for community and good livelihood■I have learned that good judgement becomes the result of critical listening evaluation of character and motive without prejudice■I have learned that men would sometimes need a second touch, a second look and a second chance altogether■I have only learned a few things these past few weeks!
In whatever nominalization it comes, it leaves us in effusive uncontrolled expression of emotions, emotions prejudiced in miriads of inclination. A spectrum of hues only bordered with the black and white scales…loads of grey inbetween, greys that blur the lines of sanity!
Once the holy scrolls said to be drunken but not with wine, asuch a permission to bask in that high for something but not just everything!
In a stillness that gives audibility to the very breathe of my nostrils and loudness to my heart drums, I find my thoughts totally violated by yet another momentary bliss, but please, don’t cast a stone! Yes, do spare me some ease because even right now as I write and you read, you likewise err in vile thoughts from a cascade-like flow of illicit desires, illicit indeed by the standard of the holy scroll.
Now you see why I resent these words; “feel”, “feelings”, “felt”. All her forms are not realms to dwell in for she gives undue credence to opinions that are largely feeble and flimsy, either for some good or bad! She is a leavening, a swelling, a spell, an apparition as a highway mirage! She flaunts real but lacks truth, that only vents vanity in volcanic strides!
I sat still, saw my shame in the solitude that became my transfiguration, I could almost tell the flow rate of the blood in my arteries and veins. My morphology became skewed in the mirror that stood right across the wooden shelves… I could not make another promise to the promise keeper that would be so easily broken or hardly kept. It would become a battle at dawn how to conduct because again I would drag her arround on my tongue or heart tables…
She would then be spoken in words and thoughts, she would rear her head and may tickle my primal composure, tease my resolve, seeking yet another bout of vengeful attention. But this time I will eschew her by all means, occupy my mind with realities and truths! I would tell her like never before, to die with the six wings she flaps and casts her spell…
Then what I see, hear, smell, touch, breathe, taste or FEEL would not count! I would have waged a war unending until my conquest is right and pure; sanctity would be then appropriate to describe my resolve! I would have defeated her and erased her from our moments and thoughts.
A word not to be spoken or heard she becomes!