The absolute truth is that so much has been lost to time and chance, so much have faded and glided into the prevalent oblivion. In the struggle to bring the spiritual to physical, to give meaning to the realities of the very comfort beneath, to make them flesh and tangible… In this process vain imaginations dominated my realms, my cogitation became vile as I judged the spiritual almost unintentionally by the physical pain, the physical hurt and inabilities that engulfed me… There was simply a divide! A divide that would require an act of syncretism birth from a total yield towards selfless practice; leaning towards complete givenness to forgiveness and goodness, not the practice of showmanship but acts precipitated by sincere desire to please the creator or maker as some would find appropriate to describe Him.
Ok so I lost my inside peace too and then this easily ruptured my exterior composure; dis-tuned my melodies, killed effortlessly the rhapsodies within, then punctured my worship! I had repeatedly compromised on time; the commitment to deposit and withdraw from the sacred place of meditation… This drag or maybe lethargy crept in on me quite stealthily via impure communications and subconscious condoning of subtle vanities.
But in the past few weeks I have resorted to the very last bit of me, the last straw as some may say, to that unmerited grace, the quotidian benefits He gives especially when reminded by events of his faithfulness irrespective of my clear unfaithfulness… To keep the vows, sanitize this temple not just via acts but even the very words that I speak…in and out of His sanctuary. Now this is the reason I still have some nerve to write of His name, speak of His deeds and share about how He just never gives up on us.
If He was man, many times at the threshing floor, i would have been absolutely burned, consumed… But would not as much as put me out to the dogs nor uncover ma nakedness… Then I just think ” He loves me to stupor ” He really must because He kindly puts up with my crap…
However I am pressing at the threshing today… Not for sins of ill but for deserting the very place of worship, wearing a proud and haughty look! Being hasty to willful misdoings, ” I am here now, just as you want, as I can, broken to particles, seeking a miracle; this time needing all of you to saturate my entirety, do not spare me at all, lick and burn me as a piece on that old alter of sacrifice!