Tonight Again I am just alone without the comfort of your subtle tenor pitch voice to say “john” 

I can’t even keep the rules to scribble right cause like squabbling knees, knocking and un-at-ease as uncertainty seems to make a stealthy creep in on me…

But that’s not my worry as much as the distance I feel even in my reminiscence of you, those early mornings you woke me to faith and graceful words of truth… 

I agree, I am a bit discordant, disturbed and disparaged by this fading memories, like shadows drowned in the setting sun of twilight call…

It is not for my readers to understand as much as this is a parchment to vent my deepest disdain or coldest fears…

Just in this moment, i feel only warm dripping tears from masculine eye pores, yet uncontrollable the mixture of a stinging sensation and the blissful relief of these tears…

Ok I will try to make some sense now, I miss you and will always do, I love you and these days I hear you just faintly and mildly but even this makes me rest assured that youɾ love for me speaks purely of father and son, truly begotten I feel and now I am sure why I came first to you…

Mama told me once that you had named me while I was yet unborn, unknown to be male or female… You spoke as a god, the god that you are… 

All these add up tonight all at once as to why I feel only complete when I am satiated with thoughts of you and the words of truth, truths you upheld and still uphold…

Hey now I have some relief, having bled off this ballpoint… 

I just know I feel yours tonight and you mine as always.

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