Here again…

 I was at the country side a few days back, I was with mama and there was the usual arguments about routes and remembering the spots we had been through or walked pass…she was wrong again as usual! Amidst the serenity and tranquility of the intermittent stillness that laced our voices when we toned down and involuntarily agreed on silence, I heard those voices within again, these have hunted me for months now, it was a blend of varying sources, from the gloominess from the  noticeable absence of pa, to the confusion of keeping  the music dream, the craft passion and poetry, not leaving out the scars from cracks and misuse of the heavenly father’s vases! 

It’s a complex and sore state of mind on the inside yet walking through the pristine splendor and peaceful path of this village. Then I plugged my ears and let in sounds of hope to flush the fears of my  overcrowded mind,washing all away. It was just a piece for the moment, yes for those at the crossing; those at the cliff, making crucial choices between pursuit or exits, purity or compromise, death or life!

I heard that if I looked just a little closer and deeper I would find reasons for gratitude embedded in the pain and confusion that now lurked around my path. How he really does this is what I can not ultimately understand! He reaches out deep within and without, far across and near, I see the shadow of his winged love, covering me through it all and a persistent still voice beckoning to steer sane and on.

It’s no shame to admit that there had been nights that sleep felt like death and a new day like a hall of judgement, both reminding me of my irredeemable past , years gone, seemingly unachieved. However even within these odds,so daring and brashly truthful, I find an overbearing love preserving me as though I must make a king’s call to table.

So I chose to pen a few words down, to share with you that I do know we all thrive behind a mask, a veil, our skins, a place we should not be or never dwell; To say that you are not  weird to feel broken as you do even when the world thinks you are perfect within and without, that it’s also okay to cry sometimes and take the silent long almost endless thought walk through paths within that may slightly or largely veer towards taking a life; yours or another’s, it’s okay that you could be sometimes confused how to love or whom to choose because your heart worries to make an unknown call, it is okay to read through this and yet still feel alone in your world, it is absolutely okay because I have felt just about this way and quite very often feel worse. It is okay much more because someone has a deep clue how you now feel and has made provisions for an exit… 

It is okay to be here again…


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